Excerpts from blog conversation with dd17:

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She had blogged, indicating her intention to stay in CO, and work on a relationship that she had abandoned when she moved here.

Me: you know, I have been chewing on this all morning. Thinking, chewing, stewing. You know, we missed so many years..............you went from little girl to almost grown-up. Can you understand how hard it is for me to adjust to that change? I mean, for you, I've always been "Mom", and that has not shifted. I have not changed for you like you have changed for me, see?

You know I want you to come back here. Your being here makes me feel right as a mom, that all my kids are with me. But, then I got to thinking this morning. And..........you came here desperately in need of something. And whatever I gave you, it was enough to give you courage to pursue this dream you have. To regain your own person-hood after the nightmare that living with your dad became. That's not a bad thing. Right? I don't have to like the result (your possible leaving) to be able to admit that I am so very glad I was able to give you what you needed.

It's just that...........well, you are 17, see. And we really only have a couple years left............and I want them. I want them, and I can't help wanting them, and it's normal to want them, and I'm not ashamed of wanting them. I'm the Mom, that's what I am. It's who and what I am before anything else.

Her: You did help me, Mommy. I was thinking the other day. Looking back on stuff I would have done and said a few months ago versus what I do and say now. And it's all so much... prettier now. The world is a good place now. And you did that.

You're right. I am 17. But it's not like I'm going to be die at 21. *knock on wood* This is the tail end of my teenage years. But not at all the end of my growing up. I want you to be there to see all my kids arrive. I want you to sit down and tell me this long list of things I should and shouldn't do in order to be a good mom. I want you to hug my kids. I want them to know what you smell like when you come in from outside and it's cold. Because that's what Mom smells like to me. I want my husband to get to know you. To learn embarrassing things about me through you. I want you to have a part in my life forever. Because we did get all that stolen from us. But this is not the end of fixing it. It's just the beginning.

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So there ya have it.  She's not coming back.  And while I don't like it, I realize that in spite of all the obstacles put in our way throughout her life, I've been a good mom to her, am a good mom to her.  With God's help, in 6 months I gave her roots, and wings. 

Fly well, little bird, and fly far.  Don't forget the *annual* *seasonal* migration!  But if you change your mind, that's good too!  There will always be a place for you here.